I Am the Queen of Pinterest Fails

Monogram

You’ve probably seen the article going around, the one that shows the perfect versions of different DIY projects next to their gone-wrong counterparts. The Cookie Monster cupcakes that came out as screaming blue melted not-so-smiley faces. The homemade Play-Dough that stains your fingers and clothes for days, and sticks to everything, especially furniture.

valentinesjelloheartspinterestfail

And I – I am the Queen of it all. Nearly every craft project I’ve attempted has come out slightly askew, be it homemade scarves whipped up for Christmas or glitter art for my new apartment. Something always goes wrong, and my finished project never comes out quite like it should.

But Aubrey, how can you have this sort of bad luck? Once I started to ponder the reasons behind my lack of DIY skills, it became obvious. The contributing factors include:

  1. A lack of patience. When I want to DIY, I need to DIY. Right. Now. It doesn’t matter if I have a party to attend in an hour, I simply MUST paint these Mason jars for my friends IMMEDIATELY. Haste makes waste. Haste also makes Mason jars whose painted designs melt off instantaneously when in contact with water.
  2. An aversion to buying the proper materials and tools. This seems like it would be an important step to follow, but please think back to my first point. When I’m impatient to get a project started, I’m not particular over whether or not I have everything I need. When baking granola, I forwent the pumpkin seeds and halved pistachios, and threw in some sunflower seeds I found in the pantry (luckily, that granola came out delicious – more on that soon!).
  3. I hate spending money. This really only contributes to the second point; I hate having to go out and purchase new things when I can easily use what I have around me. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always work out well.

When its come to my new apartment, though, I’ve tried to handle things differently. My roommate and I moved in during the first days of August; in the month that we’ve been here, I’ve had to bite my tongue to keep from screaming. It’s September, and I don’t have a bed yet?! Where can we get that coffee table we need? How much longer must I eat sitting on the counters?

Luckily, I’ve convinced myself that it would be a waste of money if I just went out and bought the first thing I saw simply to fill empty space. Additionally, furnishing an apartment from scratch is hella expensive, and I only very recently got a job. One day, this apartment will be just the way we want it – we’ve just got to be patient.

This newfound attempt at calm nearly went out the window, though, when I realized how horribly messy my room was getting. With no furniture, I was still living out of suitcases. As in, every morning I would tear through my suitcases and scatter clothes everywhere. A solution needed to be found, and quick.

Where else to turn, I thought, but to Pinterest? Right. Because that’s worked so well before.

Soon thereafter I had found my inspiration:

Minimalist Apartment Closet Ideas

A cutesy, organized closet! Just what I needed! My closet is very deep, but wastes a lot of space because it’s one bar and shelf are set against the wall, leaving few options for storage. So I decided I would make my own storage.

A How-To Guide for Making A Cutesy Closet

Step 1: Acquire a skinny, tall bookcase for stacking things. Browsing Craigslist, I see one from IKEA being offered for $20. The owner tells me the height, and I rejoice. It’s perfect!

I arrive. It’s not from IKEA, it’s from Bed Bath & Beyond. No matter, it’s still perfect. I lug it home. I prop it up in the closet. It’s too wide, and doesn’t fit under the bar.

Step 2: Shave down the too-tall bookcase. The roomie and I head to Home Depot, where someone eventually takes pity on us and (after we had ripped the thing apart) cuts a few inches off each side. Now it doesn’t have a base, but that will be fine. Right?

Wrong. The cheapy bookcase is even more rickety than before and refuses to stand up without help.

Step 3: Find some tension rods to stick on either side of the rickety bookcase. This way, there is more storage space, and it will stay up!

So far so good...

So far so good…

The tension rods are in place. Everything seems solid. I begin to place hangers on the rods. I turn my back. EVERYTHING COLLAPSES IN A HEAP WHY IS THIS HAPPENING I HATE EVERYTHING.

WHY CRUEL WORLD

WHY CRUEL WORLD

I recover. The roomie assists in making the rods extra tight.

They collapse in minutes, even without any weight on them. In fact, the slightest shift causes everything to fall.

I compose myself. The roomie tells me to give up, try something new, but I refuse. I want to shed this crown of being Pinterest-fail royalty. 

Step 4: Go back to Home Depot, purchase a set of wooden pole sockets. I borrow a drill from work, charge it up for a day, and then convince my roommate it’s an excellent idea to start this at 10:30PM.

Dyl and I preparing for our power tool debut

Dyl and I preparing for our power tool debut

Once we finally figure out how to switch out the drill bits (it took longer than I’m willing to admit), he holds the thing steady while I manage to drill the sockets in place. We put up the rods. I hang my shirts back up in silent protest that this thing had better work. Or else.

Getting everything in place. Notice I refused to shower from the gym until this was over.

Getting everything in place. Notice I refused to shower from the gym until this was over.

Drilling!

Drilling!

Glamour shot sitting confusedly in the closet.

Glamour shot sitting confusedly in the closet.

Tension rod sitting contentedly in its new home.

Tension rod sitting contentedly in its new home.

It has been fifteen minutes since I hung everything up. I’m waiting to hear the sound of things crashing down, but so far, so good. If it lasts the night, I will consider this a victory.

You know what? I already consider this a victory. Let the darn thing fall down again. Let all my shirts lay on the carpet. I’m proud that I’ve seen this project through two weekends, that I haven’t given up like I’m so apt to do when my crafts start to go awry. Planning, patience, and using an actual drill instead of a fork have gotten me this far; just think of what I can do if I keep on it!

TA DA!

TA DA!

So bring it on, closet. I am now the Queen of Continuing {After All the Horrible Curveballs You Have So Rudely Thrown At Me}.

p.s. As of this morning, everything is still in place! Fingers crossed.

p.s.s. Many thanks to Dylan for the…interesting pictures, and my mother for the idea for the wooden sockets ❤

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